walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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