peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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