Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
