Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
