The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
