My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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