You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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