So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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