im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
