i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
