Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
