I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
