You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
