The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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