I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
