No period for spring break; use this wisely.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
