So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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