remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
