It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
