i think i have herpe
just one?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
