I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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