there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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