Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
