Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
