The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
