I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
