So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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