chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
