his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
