see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
