Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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