He had one of those small greek statue penises
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
