Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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