she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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