What did we do last night that was yellow?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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