if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
