My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
