does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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