Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
