So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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