u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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