i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My feet surprised me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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