i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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