she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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