He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
