nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
