Where is the hickey?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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