One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
