Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
