Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
